I finally feel better, but still favoring my left side. I have not felt bad like that the entire time I have been on chemo. I was a little scared last night. I am better today. I have changed andtibiotics and had a culture done so hopefully we can get to the bottom of this infection. I do have to say there were two thoughts that crossed my mind during this ,yet again, the process of trust and humility of my precious but sometimes proud mouth.
I had to come clean with what I was feeling otherwise I felt like it would just stay stuck inside waiting to come out later in some other way. First thought that made my mind run wild, was the thought that the infection would be what "does me in". I know I know sounds morbid or depressed,but it's reality. So the result was I got mad and said to myself,"No way is that going to the thing after all this". Spoken like a true prideful person. What it showed me was the direct correlation to our fear and anger. I had always taught that the root of anger is fear and thia week God showed just how directly they are involved with ine another.
Secondly, the gruesome thought that somehow this hole where the infection is (I am sorry by the way if this grosses some of y'all out) would just split wide open,the expander would pop out and well there you have it. Showing me yet again how little I know of the human body and how I was complaining too much and not trusting God. It is still all very scary but it also is not something they have never seen before.
So they put me on new antibiotics and took a culture of it or what was coming from it. It is very humbling to wear a mini pad stuck to the inside if a camisole. Never thought I would combine those two thingsn other than if I were a nursing mother
Fear not for I am with you the Lord says. Fear Not!
So I fear not chemo or any other likely thing that would try to separate me from the love of God.