Sunday, February 5, 2012


I have learned a lot about insistence with chemo. Insisting that what I know is best for me? As if I went to medical school. I do know a lot about some things, but am no expert in many others areas. Just typing and saying the word chemo is a scary thing. It is not a normal word in my vocabulary. It is an exception and I found out that there exceptional people who also have had to use that word in their lifetime. It was clear to me that. I was part of a unique group who have been given an opportunity to praise and know that God is near.

Recognizing how incredible the human body is as it finds and fights its way back to some recognizable sense of normal. Is normal where I want to go? What is normal anyway?
Living intentionally for God everyday is where I have to go each day.

I read another journal entry ,"who knew the simple extension of an arm could mean so much? Our very body that houses and hosts the very Glory of Our King. God has been ever faithful keeping me close in hand. There really is power in His name."

In the story of the insistant friend or persistent friend God showed me how prideful thinking can often lead to.....well lots of stuff. Lots of stuff not good for me.
"God often answers us after long and persevering requests. He hears prayers and grants blessings long after they appear to be unanswered or withheld. He does not promise to give blessings immediately. He promises only that He will do it according to His will and plan. Although He promises to answer the prayer of the faithful, often He requires us to wait a long time to try our faith. He may allow us to persevere for months or years, until we are completely dependent on Him, until we see that there is no other way to receive the blessing, and until we are prepared to receive it. Sometimes, we are not ready to receive a blessing when we first ask. We may be too proud, or we may not comprehend our dependence upon Him. Maybe we would not value it, or the timing for it may simply be wrong. If what we ask for is good and accords with God's will, He will give it at the best time possible."

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I am thankful I have friends who are insisting and persisting on my behalf. I am thankful my Lord keeps knocking though I begrudgingly sometimes answer Him. Why am I hesitating at all when it comes to God. I know it and say it in my head. Forcing myself to listen even when I don't want other the answer. Sometimes i am afraid of the answer.
Chemo and fear dance closely next to one another. I am learning and insisting I learn the difference so that God ca nave His way in me.

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