Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Thursday, January 5, 2012

My Hearts Desire

As Christmas decorations are coming down I am trying to keep a few things around that are wintery.  Which slows the process of getting all of the decorations out at the same time.  So it sort of lingers a little longer.  I caught myself holding onto memories even if they are memories from a week ago when everyone was here and we were all together.  Can I recapture that feeling by allowing the decorations to linger longer.....ummm I think not.
What I can do 
is relive the pleasure I had decorating in the anticipation of our gathering which puts a smile on my face.  I love "futzing" around as my mother would say and tinkering with my house making it feel warm and welcoming.  Checking beds, lights, plants, arrangements, linens, bathrooms, and just every day stuff.  It must take me to a place of hopeful anticipation.  Thanking God as I work alongside Him preparing the day, putting my hearts desires out there in prayer for Him to do it all over again one day soon.  Putting my hearts desires into His hands through prayer.
I did that a few years ago when I found out I have another sister (calling her my CA sister) by the same father.  I tried everything I could with the information I had to find her. Then when 9/11 hit I had a sense of urgency and even hired a private investigator with little success.  I know I have blogged about this but wanted to go into more of how God has not and did not forget my hearts desire to find her.  Though I had little success before, He is now allowing His hearts desire with His perfect timing and orchestrating of all the events leading up to our meeting.  To confirm it was through Him, to confirm in me He did not forget, to confirm many things so that I would not doubt, to confirm in me more of Him and less of me.  I have come to find out she and I and my older sister (sharing the same mother, my TN sister) that we all have ties to Haiti.  Me, through Heart of Haiti being an Ambassador through Macy's.  My CA sister through Apparent Project working with artists there helping them sell their wares, build relationships, mentor programs and encourage the people.  And my TN sister who helps gather backpacks and supplies for a school there as well as a portion of our small company,, goes to help those in Haiti.  Why God has us all involved with things in Haiti I am not sure of.
What I am sure of is 
For such a time as this He has us in the palm of His hands and has brought us together by serving others in the same place.  Now I don't know about you but that is just not a coincidence.  More like divine appointment if you ask me.
Only God could have orchestrated my hearts desire in such a perfect way.
There is no way on earth any of us could have done what He apparently has done through us, with us, and all around us.  He wants to let us know our meeting is not by chance, it is not happenstance and that He never forgot my request to Him to find her.  Not for any reason but to let her know I/we exist.  Wasn't looking to pry or point fingers or wallow in any shame just hoping for a glimpse of His glory through the experience.  We have discovered we both have had many of the same issues of rejection and feelings of abandonment, but God has prevailed even still.  He never dropped the ball or went to sleep masterminding His eternal plan for us to all meet.  Walking through breast cancer is a serious thing and with the same blood running through her veins it is important for her to know what is going on with me so she can be careful.  So had another sense of urgency to find her again.  This time it would be easier as social media was not readily available like it is now. God knew that ahead of time and now graces me with such a gift.  He is a giving God.  He loves us intimately honoring our requests even when they seem farfetched, and even when we may not get an answer right away.  No thought, prayer or wish gone unforgotten by Him.  He is always keeping a watch for what is best for us, when it is best for us, knowing fully how to give what is best for us at the best possible time.  His.
So I get to meet her for the first time this Sat. in Austin and she will come back to my house and stay with me for two days. She will also be on my show Madre Minutes, Monday morning, 8:30am CST, on to talk about what she is doing in Haiti and also to encourage others with our story.   I will document the entire time she is here in hopes to share our story with more people who might be discouraged about finding family, or discouraged in finding out more about how God works in our lives so carefully, so specifically and so generously.  I will share with her photographs, videos and anything I can that might help her in her processing of all this.  We both have come to a place of forgiveness which is key.  My hope is this meeting will be the start of generations to come of healing and restoration.  Where no blame is put on what has been done and more emphasis is valued on what He is doing right now for eternity.  Where a persons hearts desire is validated in a single hug, a single text, a single Facebook message or phone call.  He designed the format and template for us to cross paths giving me, answering and anchoring my heart to Him letting me know I am loved by Him.
Thank you God for lingering still in my hearts desires.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New YOU Year!

photograph taken by Jessica Lorren Photography
I am starting another series I am calling Happy New YOU Year.  Often times we make resolutions we can not keep which makes us not happy. We promise things we really can not and sometimes even know ahead of time we can not keep them, which again makes us not happy. And too many times we start a New Year off not so happy, so decide nothing will change, so resolve just to stay that way......not happy.  I will admit it is a hard time of the year for many people and not discounting that at all.
This year I want to focus on Joy.  Not just a happy joy, buy a deep rooted sense of joy that can only come from our Father.  In my opinion happiness is a temporal and exterior emotion that is fleeting.  Joy comes from within with an endless supply line straight to the Father.   To learn what "His joy will be my strength" really is like and how do I apply that to my life?  A Joy that even in disappointments will rise up covering all hurts and anxiousness.  The Joy that surpasses all understanding where the only thing left to do is laugh.  We are all just a bunch of walking wounded trying to find the combination for happiness, right?  Without sounding to cliche' joy starts with JesUS.  Jesus + US.  Many sites and well known scholars teach that happiness, joy and contentment starts with US, but without the JES in front of that word, is like the JO without the Y.  In order for there to be more of it in our world people need to see it in my life.  If I don't have it in the first place then all I have to ask for it denying self rule establishing heavenly reign allowing  Joy, in and through my life.  To think that I could be, am and want to be a vessel for His Joy excites me for what He will accomplish.  That He would consider me as His ambassador, His messenger, His catalyst, His seed of potential and accomplice to achieve His goal.  JOY!  When I am in the "midst of thee", His direction puts me on the road that leads to Joy.  He is not only about Joy, He is Joy.  Joy makes up the very fabric and character of His being.  Now, who would not want that, and why so much resistance to His presence and Joy?
So I am on the hunt for Joy.  I will keep a watchful eye grabbing onto Joy whenever I can.  I had a UPS man tell me once, "You always seem to have a smile on your face".  I really like to smile at people and perhaps it is the overflowing amount of Joy I feel most of the time that keeps my mouth in an upward turn.  I like to keep things looking up, thinking positively about most situations, trusting in the process for His Joy in the outcome, and striving for Joy in every situation.  A bit too rose colored glasses for some, but for me it works.   Before I speak or think that I have some earthly wisdom that everyone needs to hear about, I will turn to Joy, I will seek Joy and I know I will find it.
Call it a resolution, call it a declaration or just call it a calling.   This year I want to understand fully the fullness, the indwelling and the superior reign of His Joy and how to share it with others.  I hope you will join me on this journey and walk, share it with others who might also enjoy reading and peruse Joy with me, together as it only takes one of us to bring Joy to the world.
As I said goodnight and Happy New Year last night to my sweet adorable husband, he whispered in the dark......"2012 bring it on!"  That will be my New You this Happy Year!