Tuesday, July 26, 2011

What's Up Doc?

Frozen in time this picture is, but this bunny on the median of a subdivision was frozen hoping not to be noticed by us.  That is just how I have felt for the past two weeks.  FROZEN.  Not knowing many things about my prognosis, treatment and outcome of my diagnosis just seems to freeze my steps.  Because every day gets a bit better I can let my guard down just a bit allowing me to move forward with baby steps.  With hands lifted (gently) starting to believe I am a survivor and what I am made of because He put it there.
So what's up doc, was last Wednesday when I got the word of discovery.  Yesterday was meet the new doc day, Dr. Rebecca Barrington, and I can honestly say, I LOVE HER! She listens, she explains, she wants, she empowers, she is passionate, she prays, she hugs, she laughs, she takes the time for each one, she cares and she is here where I live, for such a time as this in my life.  Thank you God.  Sept 13th starts chemo then radiation to follow.  I already have our Christmas card designed.....on my head!

 Staying pretty close to home. With my peeps close at hand, helping, overwhelming community outpouring, and being able to feel the strength in numbers, I recover.  Relinquishing control, accepting help from others, and recognizing my limitations has never been long suits of mine.  I have had a mindset that I can do most anything myself, without help.  Selfish really. The healing has begun in me to love the way love is intended to be.....a gift of giving AND receiving.  Realizing how little I knew of my Savior and excited how much He has in store for me.  I believe I will receive as I achieve.  No longer feeling like I am hanging on by my nails, which need manicuring I might add, I feel confidently assured of decisions made as the Holy Spirit's leading has not led me astray, to the very place I need to be, in His rest.  What does all that mean?  I am resting as I am working hard to press onward?  Seems like an oxymoron actually, but somehow the resting is part of the work.  A quieting in my self to make time for God's handiwork to have its way in me.  Step aside He is coming through and boy will He ever come through....always.
Faith is not that God can.....it is knowing He will.
"For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb.  I will praise You , for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works,  And that my soul knows very well."
Ps 139: 13-14  I feel His covering, His weaving the lining and fabric to this story, this journey, this incredible opportunity to praise Him and see His glorious works manifesting all around me.  Who wouldn't want that, I mean really?  More Lord, I desire more of You every day as prayer shawl wraps itself around every prayer spoken and knitted into each thread.  This too will be a unique shawl that I will wear for only a while, but will not be my legacy for He has known all along.
So a trip to Barnes and Noble and I feel as though I am getting geared up for the battle.  A journal to document, a dry erase to hang outside so people can leave notes if I am resting when they come by, a 2012 little calendar book that starts in June to keep appointments etc, a book about using nutrition as a weapon and lastly the only pretty cookbook I could find  in the entire store with pictures and recipes for fighting cancer in the kitchen.  Of course it did dawn on me......maybe I should write my own cookbook.  First dinner party will be all about pink.  After all the treatment plan is throwing the kitchen sink at me, thank you God I love to do dishes and there is no other place I'd rather be than in the kitchen.  The spiritual nourishment I have consumed already is lacking nothing in wisdom and grace.


  1. Well done Barbara! So proud of you. Keep positive - this is just like a cold, you can lick it. We're here for you in spirit and with love.

    5 year survivor!

  2. I am so blessed by your strength in faith, and your understanding of waiting on the Lord (how it's one of the most active things we ever do). You are a go-getter and a non-stopper, and it shows in your relationship with God! Keep going, and keep posting! Your words are a ministry to me...

  3. This makes me think of Charity Singleton, another network member who has struggled with cancer in the past. She is quite a strong woman and worth reaching out to.

    I especially love your comment at the end that the treatment is throwing the kitchen sink at you, but you love to be in the kitchen. What a fantastic attitude!

  4. I was just thinking the same thing as Marcus. Charity is undergoing surgery today, for a recurrence of cancer. I know she would appreciate your prayers and would probably love to connect with you when she's feeling better. You can google her blog: Charity Singleton - Wide Open Spaces.

    I'm so thankful that God doesn't waste any of our pain, and you're allowing Him to use this experience for His glory.

    Blessings dear one.


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